The collision of life and work
Can a person truly keep their personal and professional lives separate? I think not. I love reading about work/life balance and setting strict rules about work and personal lives. However, if you are a business owner, C-suite professional, entrepreneur, parent or child for that matter, the trainings, books, podcasts make it sound and look so simple, however, let’s get honest, it’s really difficult. I also want to point out, those people many times have reached their platforms after 20 or more years and it takes alot of time to learn and execute these strategies.
Now that I got that off of my chest….this is where the topic of today’s blog comes from. What are the makers and breakers in your life so your personal life isn’t engulfed by your work life and your work life isn’t engulfed by your personal life? Yes, it can go both ways. Often, there is an assumption that that lack of balance is only when the professional spills into the personal.
Structure in our lives is determined by many factors. The busier we are, the more structure we must implement. Societies with larger populations will have more demands as a result. These require tighter structure and more rules. If we are not busy or have the demands from family or additional factors, we are typically looser in how we conduct our lives. If we begin a business or family for that matter, we become immediately aware that more structure and rules are necessary. Without a tighter structure, the result will be poor attention to time, details and people in our lives. Stress and chaos will likely appear.
What are the makers and breakers?
Only you know what your makers and breakers are. However, I am going to highlight many I have experienced in hopes that I might shed some light on effective strategies to avoid some of the unnecessary breakers through creating proactive makers. These especially apply to those who are new business owners or those who feel the effects of overwhelm in either your personal or professional life.
Some of the breakers:
- Saying yes when you should say no. This example immediately comes to mind. New business owners live with underlying anxiety and fear about failure, especially if they are solely responsible for their income. Even scheduling coffee dates or lunches with a new person can be a huge mistake if that person only wants to sell you on their new idea. It’s essential to look at your people pleasing qualities and explore why you say yes to so much then complain that you don’t have enough time in your day. Schedule one day each week for calls, not coffees for new contacts. Make a list of why you should meet with someone and why you should not. Learning how to say no or “at a later date”.
- Accepting less than acceptable behavior from your staff, clients, customers, etc. One of my favorite sayings is that we teach people how to treat us. If you accept unacceptable behavior, you welcome more of it. Set some clear boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable. This is another area where new business owners can struggle. The fear of failure can result in maintaining unhealthy or unvaluable relationships. Ask yourself this question “do they contribute positively to my life, or do they contaminate my life”. Only you will know the answer. If someone speaks rudely to you, if someone doesn’t respond to you, if someone ignores you, if someone speaks negatively about you in your presence or behind your back, why would you offer them space to stay in your life? You can offer them an opportunity at redemption, but the old saying “one and done” needs to apply. Pay attention to behaviors not words!
- Dishonesty takes on lots of different forms. We commonly think of lying as someone denying something to our faces, which is the most obvious form. However, it’s discovering that someone is also not telling you the entire story or series of events. It is also taking credit for something that belongs to someone else. Behaving one way with certain people and then changing to be different with others. Employees talking disparagingly about their boss or their co-workers. Sharing business information between different employers. Embellishing the story to appear more favorable or less favorable. The list goes on and on. It’s impossible to be a human and be 100% honest at all times. However, the impact of dishonesty is what needs to be explored. If you become aware of dishonesty of any kind, don’t go and talk about it with someone else, address it with the person who has been dishonest. The nature of humans is quite interesting. We seem to have a default to avoid uncomfortable situations, and subsequently, the problems doesn’t get resolved. Another saying is that there are multiple stories. All of those who were participants and then the truth. You may never reach the truth, however you need to decide what is acceptable to you.
- Expecting people to change because we see “their potential”. Do I really need to write about this? I will because we are all guilty of hiring or welcoming the person in our lives “who has potential” and we make them our little project. Why would you consider wasting money or time on someone because of their potential? Wait until they become that person and then welcome them. Probationary periods can apply to anyone in our lives, not just employees! We all show up in our best light for the first day on the job or the first date, etc. But just give it time and put some pressure on the person to see how they respond when conflict arises or a change of plans occurs. Don’t get stuck with someone in your life who can’t meet the needs you have expressed. Fire them, purge yourself of them or break up with them!
- You can only expect from yourself. Just because we are awesome doesn’t mean others see us that way or behave the way we do. Until you realize you are completely powerless over another person, you will continue to run around like a decapitated chicken trying to get someone to do what you need done. People appear so similar on paper, however we are all fraught with life experiences. Our parents and our upbringings were our first teachers. Those early life lessons were the foundation of who we have become. When we hire someone, we cannot read their life story. Who knows, in the future, maybe we will have a computer chip that records every experience in our life and when we are interviewed for a job, the employer can view the entire record! Nothing is impossible! However, getting frustrated with someone is essentially saying “why don’t they do what I think they should do” and “I know what’s right”, your ego is running the show. Hold your employees accountable, set boundaries, communicate often, be consistent. All you have control over is yourself!
- Extremes. Whether you are completely driven to excel or undisciplined and are just getting by, both present with issues and potential consequences. The motor that never shuts off and is present in all walks of life is exhausting and will come with consequences to physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Living in your head and running from something and never allowing yourself to dip into the pool of tranquility. Or, having absolutely no discipline, just doing enough, being the perpetual victim, projecting all over everyone else, making an excuse for everything that goes wrong and blaming others, but always making time for entertainment, fun, crappy food, poor sleep habits, alcohol abuse, etc. Living with moderation is not always possible for everyone, however the first step is recognizing the areas that are most self destructive and starting there. Look in the mirror and get honest with yourself!
In Conclusion:
There are so many makers and breakers. I will likely revisit this entry as it is a critical assessment to use in our lives. I know what my makers and breakers are in every relationship in my life. I learned them and wasn’t born with them. If you are struggling with any of these issues, please give yourself 15 minutes to call me @ 440-212-4987 and start your journey to heal and move forward. Start today by being honest with yourself and do a little journaling. You will be better because of it!